Romantic Life

This article appeared recently in: SignOnSanDiego,
the online version of the San Diego Union Tribune newspaper!

Thanks to journalist and aspiring romance writer,
Jeffree Wyn Itrich!

Ah, the romantic life. It sounds so idyllic, like a scene out of a Monet painting or one of Hollywood's fanciful romantic comedies. But short of fantasy, is it possible to live the romantic life? And if so, what is it exactly? How does a person live romantically with another person-- particularly after the relationship experiences that all-too-familiar meltdown when couples get on with the business of living together day to day?

We wondered if it is truly possible to keep the romance burning and decided if anyone would know about this, it would be a romance author. After all, romance authors write those steamy novels we see at the checkout stands with sexy covers of barrel-chested men and gorgeous women the likes of which only reside in the movies.

Assuming a romance novelist would know what constitutes the romantic life, we met with local romance author Janet Wellington to garner her opinion.

SignOn: What would you say is the "romantic life"?

JW: In any committed relationship, it's what it takes to keep the romance alive--the nurturing and work it takes to keep it going. The infatuation stage is fun, but it takes work to keep the romance alive after that. And it's not about money, it's about pleasing and surprising the other person. Once a month, do something different, something you've never done before. Put some time and thought into it.

SignOn: Such as?

JW: Romance is created when you are doing something for your mate with absolutely no thought of reward. It's not really the place, or how much money you spend; it's the planning and the doing of the activity just for the enjoyment of your mate. The relationship has to be fed and regularly nurtured. It's vital to keep supporting each other; talking to others about your mate's talents and attributes and encouraging each other's individuality. Also, listening to each other; being in tune with the other person.

SignOn: So, what's the ultimate act? What's most romantic to you?

JW: The little surprises. Flowers for no reason, making sure I get lilacs every spring, doing a chore so I don't have to, picking up something when he's out shopping just because he thought of me and my needs... and agreeing to take swing dance lessons with me!

SignOn: Let's talk about dating. What would be the perfect downtown date?

JW: First, book a nice room downtown. Go shopping together at Horton Plaza and get something new to wear that evening. It puts you in a different mood to have something new on and it really adds a sense of newness to the experience. Then go back to the hotel for a massage. Treating yourself causes you to slow down. We all work a lot of hours and we're tired.

After that sensual massage, return to the room and relax. Next, have dinner at Croce's, followed by a carriage ride to the Juke Joint Café for dancing and drinks. Finally, sleep-in the next morning and either have breakfast in bed or treat yourselves to breakfast out before going home.

SignOn: Wow! What a date, but it sounds expensive. How about the perfect date on a budget?

JW:

Be spontaneous. Go on an impromptu picnic. Bring wine, marinated artichoke hearts; one stop at Trader Joe’s and you're set. Or check the cupboards and take whatever is in the house.

Go for a walk together in a new place you don't normally go like Coronado, La Jolla, or Torrey Pines to watch the paragliders. And don't forget to look at your own neighborhood. We like Mission Trails Park in East County.

Drive somewhere new, go to Julian just to have a piece of apple pie, visit the Quail Gardens in Encinitas, follow the wildflowers when they bloom in the desert.

Plan a surprise, like going to Warner Hot Springs or go fly a kite someplace new. My husband always has a kite in the car...just in case!

Visit the Laguna Art Festival, particularly the evening of Pageant of the Masters (July 7-Aug. 31, 2000), living tableaus of famous paintings and sculptures set to music and narration. Be sure to bring binoculars and a blanket.

Do things that make you feel very much alive, things that evoke emotion; a recent visit to   Sunset Cliffs allowed us to actually see the Green Flash!   Experience life to a higher degree; create experiences together. You can't just wait for things to happen. Make your own memories.

SignOn: Romance usually includes gifts. What are the best romantic gifts to give one another?

JW: (Grinning) Jewelry! After that, getting what you're not expecting -- like the huge, unabridged dictionary I'd been wanting that my husband gave me for Valentine's Day. For me it was romantic and thoughtful because I really wanted it--and he went out of his way to get it and surprise me with it. A trip to a spa is another romantic gift. Really, any new experience has the potential of being a great romantic gift.

SignOn: Any examples?

JW: I bought my husband a surprise aerobatic glider ride for his birthday. Keep in mind, one of the best romantic gifts is time spent together.

SignOn: Does that mean you went on the glider ride with him?

JW: Nope--I watched safely from the ground!

SignOn: Change of subject. What about romantic food? What foods contribute to the "mood"?

JW: There's always great restaurants such as Molly's at the Sheraton on Harbor Island, the Marine Room and brunch at the Ritz Carlton on the way to Laguna Beach. But, we also like evenings at home.

SignOn: What do you eat?

JW: First, shop at Trader Joe's and pick up some wine or champagne, lobster- and-crab-filled pasta, smoked cheese, chips and eggplant hummus... and chocolate truffle bars. Or we pick up a white pizza at Zizzo's in La Mesa (feta and other white cheeses and garlic)--add a bottle of wine, a decadent dessert, and a video. Ignore the phone, just cuddle and watch the movie; enjoy that time alone together.

It's romantic to teach your significant other about new foods (as well as new adventures) he or she has never tried before. I remember the first time my husband cooked me an artichoke; what a sensual food! Plan a food or meal strictly for your mate! If your mate's pleasure is the goal, you both will automatically have a better time.

SignOn: Besides your books, of course, what do you consider romantic reading?

JW: Primarily books that make you feel something, such as Richard Bach's "A Bridge Across Forever."

SignOn: Any last thoughts?

JW: I think one of the secrets to keeping your relationship alive is to really listen to each other, and keep telling each other your dreams.

Janet Wellington is the author of "Bachelor for Sale," "Sweet On You" (1999 Best Romance in the San Diego Book Awards) and "Forever Rose" released March 2000 and available at all major bookstores. In her latest novel, Wellington's modern-day heroine travels back to 1888 San Diego, where she falls for a handsome bartender intent on assassinating Wyatt Earp. Read more about Janet Wellington and her novels at http://www.janetwellington.com/.